Welcome to the new section of the Site where you can put your questions to our very own resident Seraph!
You can ask him anything, from solving world poverty to where do babies come from!
Write you're question below and a reply will posted on this page in the next few days!
Peoples Questions And the Seraph's replies
Q: WHO AM I?
The Seraph: Someone with an identitiy crisis!
question posted by ???? 22/01/2001
Q: Why has Alex (long) had my cd for almost a year?
The Seraph: Probably because he was going to give it back, but on the way to your house he came across an Iraq army base camp and they wouldn't let him pass cos he still owes them drug money. So he took the long way round but that didn't help cos he was still being chased by the Iraq army and to make things worse he came across an evil woe kitten from mars and his only way of killing it was to find an Ocealot but they can only be found in the Afghanistan embassy in London. Ofcourse there is a problem with this because there is no Afgahnistan embassy in London so instead he had to go the even longer way! but blocking his path there was Adolf Hittler who is back from the dead. So as you can see this was getting hard. Luckily, the Iraq army weren't happy with Adolf hittler because he was boasting how he is more evil than them, so they started to fight. but this caused an even bigger block which even stopped traffic. So alex decided that was too hard to get to your house so he turned around and went home.
question posted by Kate 22/01/2001
Q: Is it true that spoon is impotent?
The Seraph: Well put it this way, he had sex wityh a load of men the other day and he didn't get any of them pregnant
question posted by Penny 19/01/2001
Q: Where have u been?
The Seraph: Court one of you guys told Social Security about me being held captive so they came and took me away! But sadly Dai came after me and took Social Security to Court and WON! DAMN I WAS ALMOST HOME! thanx for telling social Security whoever it was who did and could u please tell them again the beatings are just really getting bad! Bye for now.
question posted by a concerned Youth 12/01/2001
Q: Why do people piss their pants? Is it because they have no sense of control or is it because of a troubled childhood? Please write back because I have to know why me and my hamster have these problems. I love you seraph.
The Seraph: People usually piss their pants because they have seen what you look like!
question posted by Biddles and Alex (thinking I wouldn't know it was them! I know all) 20/11/2001
Q: If someone trips over and cuts their head open would you stand,point and laugh, or should you help the person? This question has been in my head for years please give me the truthful answer.
The Seraph: You sound like a horrible little lad! Point and laugh ofcourse not! The only thing I point and laugh at is the fact that you have a white man's afro! (You have to know Hywel to know what I'm on about)
question posted by Hywel 20/11/2001
Q: Do you like cheese?
The Seraph: Ofcourse have you not read my answers to peoples questions lately? They are as cheesy as they come!
question posted by Steven John 18/11/2001
Q: Who's in the wrong me or Rhian?
The Seraph: You!!!!!!! You're a horrible bastard! Your always in the wrong lets not even get started on your past, Left handed people, Prawns, Yes that's right I haven't forgotten!
question posted by Pumpkin Smasher 16/11/2001
Q: Where are you?
The Seraph: Sitting infront of my computer playing with my...................................mouse. I have just enough chain to let me reach the computer in a room not big enough to spread my wings.
question posted by Kate 15/11/2001
Q: Do you think that when a bull has come taken from his sack does he know it happened or is he randy bastard and just shags 70000 cows and becomes one of the biggest mother fuckers of all time. Please write back because I need to know the answer for my biology homework.
The Seraph: What sort of classes do you take? When I went to school I never took bestiality! If you have come taken from your sack don't you notice? And from what I've heard about you, you're having enough trouble getting on one girl yet alone 7000!
question posted by Parsons 15/11/2001
Q: Where is the drummer tree? The mystical place where drummers are plentiful.
The Seraph:The drummer tree? ..............................Oh you must mean the sexy bitch tree that's ontop of mount yer Granny, To get there you must pass four tests, Endurance, Fitness, Speed and the most dreaded of them all....................................the Quantum Physics of an apricot!!!!!!!!!!!! Should you pass these tests just like Seraphim had to, to get the beautiful Dai then you also will be graced with a drummer!
question posted by archamedies 11/11/2001
Q: What's Germany?
The Seraph: It's a country full of Germans. It is the motherland of Everyone's favourite hate figure Adolf Hitler, and is itself the hate figure of most European countries. They eat giant sausages that when you cut them open about half a ton of water spews out and they speak a language very similar to our own. Ofcourse, everyone's favourite huge muscley foreign speaking bastards of a band; Rammstein, are also from there. Germany's greatest accomplishment was breaking down a wall in Berlin and losing both world wars. Germany also lost the football world cup in 1966 a fact that shall remain known for as long as there are loud mouth English football fans that rub everyones nose in it like we give a shit!
question posted by Charles Darwin 09/11/2001
Q: What is the internet, and what is it for?
The Seraph: Isn't it obvious PORN!!! that seems to be the only thing on this damn thing! Actually the internet was created so that these four 15 year old band members could create a site that would eventually develope a mind of it's own and take over the world and cause all the people in the world to do nothing but ask stupid questions to sad little angel thats locked in a dungeon by the drummer of the band. Lost? I am.
questions posted by Jules Vern 08/11/201
Q: it had crossed my mind but not the whole sex thing. but i find it impossible because i am on the OTHER SIDE OF THE OCEAN!!!!!!!!! oh and horny animal lover... STAY AWAY FROM MY ELEPHANT!!!!!
The Seraph: OK I'm a bit slow at the moment, as you can tell by the fact my answers to your questions are in no way funny but is this supposed to be a question? I'm from a different country to you, perhaps the American perseption of a question is different?
question posted by Kate 08/11/2001
Q: Recently I had sex with an elephant but it meant nothing. Now the elephant keeps phoning me saying he loves me and wants to be with me. What should I do? I dont want to be with him and I was a bit drunk. Please help me seraph!!!!!
The Seraph: Why haven't you returned my calls! IT MEANT NOTHING this is no way to put me down on the internet where loads of people can see! DRUNK!! you didn't complain on the night! I hope you burn in hell!
question posted by horny animal lover 08/11/2001
Q: Why is it that sometimes when my mother makes food for me when I come home from school I start freaking out? This only seems to happen when I have food containing mushrooms. I had finished my food the other day and the as I walked past the fridge it started talking to me. I don''t know what''s wrong, can you please tell me?
The Seraph: Well if I was you I would take a sample of the food to a scientists lab for traces of drugs, if there is stop eating the food, It seems that she has been putting "magic mushrooms" in your food. Now you must remember my words young one, keep the fact that you're mother has been putting these substances in your food because I have it on good authority that alot of people would like that type of substance, should people find out then you would have more than just the odd friend around for dinner! P.s. if I'm not around for "dinner" before six leave it in the oven for when I do come I love your mothers "cooking"! Yet I don't know why.
question posted by DJ 07/11/2001
Q: Hello there Seraph... my question to day is, what is your definition of a groupie?
The Seraph: A groupie tends to be the person that has sex with one or all of the members of the band, a roadie on the other hand is the person who carries or takes care of the equipment of the band. Why thinking of Being one?
question posted by Kate 07/11/2001
Q: What is the funny white stuff on the walls in the toilets in upper school? I asked jeeves but he gave me links to www.dulux.com. Will the almighty seraph triumph in my hour of need??
The Seraph: Well it's probably paint, but having been in Porth County myself it is hard to tell, it could be one of many things the most likely is...............................well lets not get into that you can guess yourself can't you! The gay activity from the little bastards in the lower years of our school is frightening! Also don't bother asking Jeeves he is an incompetent fool and knows nothing he is a seraph wannabe! Ask me if you want links to any sites I will find them for you my cherubs!
question posted by Jam 07/11/2001
Q: If u were stranded in the coldest part of Antarctica and your only method of method of survival was to imitate a penguin. Would you do it?
The Seraph: Well firstly why would I imitate a chocolate bar? And if I did how would that guarantee survival? I would get all hard if I was to imitate chocolate in the cold.
question posted by spoon 07/11/2001
Q: Are you the devil?
The Seraph: What makes you think that? I was once the leader of the Seraphim in Heaven! Goddamn you thinking that! God what ids the world coming to? Oh no I used the lords name in vein I'm a very naughty boy, this band are a bad influence on me especially Matthew!
question posted by Abraham Lincoln 06/11/2001
Q: If a rottweiler humps your leg, should you fake an orgasm?
The Seraph: No my son you should not, for you see Rottweilers have no intention of giving anyone an orgasm, it infact does it to make you look like the biggest idiot this side of anywhere because it has no regards towards the receivers humiliation due to this happening. I must say if you were to fake an orgasm perhaps the dog may leave you alone due to being exceedingly scared at the thought of you creaming your jeans.
question posted by Pumpkin Smasher 06/11/2001
Q: Is Dai single and is oral sex O.K.?
The Seraph: Yes ladies Dai is single! I mean come on look at him is it at all suprising? When you've got good lookers like me, the Seraph, it is hardly suprising that Dai is missing out. Yes oral is OK but as long as you don't think oral sex is just talking about it!
question posted by handsome young Female 05/11/2001
Q: Recently I have been considering strangling a smurf to see if it would turn white but then I decided to ask the knowledgeable one they call the seraph.
The Seraph: Be weary young one for the road to a white smurf is a long one and one of many dangers! To my knowledge the only smurf that will go white while being strangled is papa smurf, this is due to his increasing age. You see, smurfs lose the pigment in their skin that makes it blue when they get old. Should you find papa smurf then yes it would be possible. If you tried it with any smurf then it would be a waste of time. If you are going in search of Papa Smurf then be careful! He has recently gone underground and has built a secret laboratory in a bid to put the pigment back into his skin, he is extremely crazy and should be approached with care. God speed number one!
question posted by Curious little one 03/11/2001