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Q: Well Seraph.. would you have my babies?
The Seraph: Well....................... what can I say! Send me a photo and a suitcase with a million pound in it full of unmarked, crisp, brand new notes and I might consider spreading the seed so to speak.
question posted by Kate 03/11/2001

Q: What would you say if I asked you to have my babies? I have been watching you closely and I know who you are. I will not reveal your secret if you pay a hefty ransom of ...................... $1 000 000.
The Seraph: Well if you were to ask me to have your babies I would disagree due to the fact that I know who you are and I think you're one hell of an ugly bastard. And secondly if you think I have that amount of money then you're obviously a stupid as you look!
question posted by ???????? 2/11/2001

Q: If a turtle doesn''t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
The Seraph: I've had to think hard about this one I must say, but my answer is that the turtle is homeless and not naked, have you not heard of the turtle neck sweater! Underneath each turtle shell the turtle is wearing a turtle neck sweater that's how the idea came about for turtle neck's. You must understand that a turtle does not often wear his shell when going to do many simple things, like go to the pub. I bet you don't take you're home to the pub every night do you? Ofcourse it would be easier 'cos atleast you wouldn't have to stumble far.
question posted by honest john acreman 2/11/2001

Q: How do you do a bungee jump clutching a jam donut and not squish all the jam?
The Seraph: Well this one is rather challenging, firstly why would you want to do a bungee clutching a jam donut? Well never mind, firstly you jump off the platform without your bungee rope, you will be so terrified at the thought of dying you will be too terrified to move and unable to squash the donut. I know this is a bad answer but it's hard to be funny and cool when you're strapped to a work bench with a buzz saw getting increasingly closer to your jubblies!!!!
question posted by the ginger bassist 2/11/2001

Q: If people from Poland are called Poles why are people from Holland not called Holes?
The Seraph: Well lets face it would you like to be called a Hole? I know you're already an asshole, but a whole nation of them? Lets think a bit more logically next time we ask a question shall we! Plus Polish people are called poles because once upon a time there was a man who had an extremely large penis which resembled a pole so therefore his nickname was Pole. He was the first man to live in Poland and is in someway biologically linked to every Pole, hence the name Poles? I know it is stupid story but it is true!!!!!!
question posted by pumpkin smasher 31/10/2001

Q: Oh my...Seraph. you are quite popular aren't you? But may I asked you one question? Who are you really? I know you are the seraph and all but... who are you really?
The Seraph: Well I was the Seraph that sat at god's side leading the Seraphim in singing the holy trisagion that all Seraphim sing, but in a near death experience Dai came to heaven and abducted me and the Muse, but the Muse had too many good Ideas and got away! I on the other hand was left to be tortured into submission by my captives. Since Seraphim have started to get more credit on the Rhondda band circuit, they needed more crap to shove on their web site and so ASK THE SERAPH was born. Apart from that and the fact I spent two years in Harvard business school that's all I can tell you.
question posted by Kate 30/10/2001

Q: One day will left handed and right handed people form an allegiance and forget their petty bickering and fight the true villain of this world, prawn!!?
The Seraph: I'll have you know  that my Great Uncle twice removed Artmextris was a shrimp!! That's where I get my boyish yet aquatic looks from, Also God considers Shrimp to be his greatest creation next to left handed people! My my, I would not like to live you're afterlife cos I tell you what Hell's great for the first three weeks, but, watching old re-runs of "Shenkin the Sheep goes fishing" becomes increasingly tormenting! Never heard of "Shenkin the Sheep goes Fishing"? Believe me my friend there is a reason for it!
question posted by Pumpkin Smasher 30/10/2001

Q: Is it wrong to masturbate over animals?
The Seraph: Not if you're an animal, But if you're human which, I have it close authority that you are, then it is highly immoral, God did not put them on this earth for you're Sexual Pleasures! He put then on this earth for a good reason one I can't think of right now but god is never wrong! Apart from that time he created the man known commonly as Dai but we'll forget about that for now shall we!
question posted by Simon (MO) 30/10/2001

Q: Seraph are you being raped?
The Seraph: Not right at this moment no, if I was I'd find it quite hard to write this reply I can tell you! I have never been assaulted in that way by my captors but some guy called Biddles has tried! And if he is out there God is after you my son OH Yes!
question posted by Kate 29/10/2001

Q: Am I gay just cos I love men?
The Seraph: Um well yeah! If you love men in a sexual way then I'd put money on you being gay, ofcourse if you like women as well you're bisexual, but remember there is nothing wrong with being gay at all. But I must say If you're the Biddles guy who's been dropping by at the Dungeon, LEAVE ME ALONE! Who do you think you are? You try to violate me again and I'll kick you're ass! My anal virginity is mine and mine alone OK!
question posted by Biddles 29/10/2001

Q: What did you have for tea last night?
The Seraph: Well as you know I'm locked in this dungeon, so I don't get fed much but fortunately I was fed last night for the first time in a week, I had Freshly squeezed Kumquat Juice with a dash of Orange and Asparagus and Toast. What don't look so suprised I may held captive by a bunch mad of Extremists but they are fair at times!
question posted by Biddles 29/10/2001

Q: Who in the band has the nicest ass?
The Seraph: Well what can I say! Probably Anthony but Alex's is pretty nice! I've snuggled next to him a good few times on a cold winters eve! Not that I'm gay or anything you must understand I'm a heavenly being we do not have sexual thoughts in Heaven but if we did I'd probably be thinking of some of those cute little spandex numbers Tucker has been wearing around the Dungeon lately hhhhhhmmmm............a hem! Sorry about that! Dai also has a nice ass. So really I couldn't say, if I had to give you an answer it would be that I the seraph have the nicest ass! YES THAT'S RIGHT ME!!!! HAHAHA.....Come on don't tell me you haven't noticed look there I am right behind this writing and above there's the picture of me at the desk I'm a sexy bitch all right!
question posted by Kate on the 28/10/2001

Q : What is a Seraph?
The Seraph: A Seraph is a single member of the Seraphim. The Seraphim, incase you did not know are the highest order of Heavenly beings next to god.
              My god! I wish Dai would let me go! I've only been doing this job a day and I'm already bored! Could someone please send an interesting question for me to answer or even better break into Dai's secret dungeon and break me out! I'm being held captive against my will!!!!! I'd better shut up now,Dai is coming back with the whip and he doesn't look happy!!!!! P.S. I'm not as happy as that picture of me above, Dai makes me pose for pictures all the time, you should see the Ones Alex and Anthony were taking of me!!!!
question posted by Clive on the 28/10/2001

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